I’ll Burn That Bridge When I Get to it

I ruled the Timkeeping World today with my iron fist—or so my boss said. I’m not sure how to take that. This was our first payroll using the new system and the month was rife with problems. I spent a lot of time preparing instructional emails for my coworkers and the managers. I wanted payroll to be smooth and painless. It turned out okay, but I’m glad the first of the month only happens once a month…

Apparently I like to write long ass e-mails for my own benefit. I really enjoy clogging up people’s inboxes with meaningless information. I love holding people’s hands, in fact, it’s my favorite thing to do and that’s why I chose my career in the Administrative Arts. My coworkers obviously have a deep and abiding respect for me, and show it by telling me how busy they are and why they are unable to read or follow basic instructions. I simply have nothing better to do than getting the minimum requirements of my job done on time. I swear, next time I’ll check my work ethic at the door. Perhaps I will call in sick when I’m most needed—oh wait, that’s part of Dave’s job description.

Enough with the melodramatics already!

For your amusement folks: More Mad Libs.

For d:

2 People: Lance Armstrong & Lyle Lovett – no Brokeback! They’re just friends 🙂
2 Verbs: pedaling and running
2 Adjectives: dangerous and exciting
2 Places: my kitchen and Texas
2 Favorite Things salsa and karaoke
2 Colors: aquamarine and adventurine – I know I’m such an ass! that would be light blue and light green 🙂
1 Food or Drink: lambic – raspberry beer (yumm)
1 Time of Day: 2pm
1 Hobby: knitting
1 Job: lion tamer

d was making salsa in her kitchen, sipping some Lambic raspberry beer. She discovered that Lyle Lovett was doing a celebrity ride with Lance Armstrong. d couldn’t bear to miss her two favorite men in the same place at the same time! She hopped the next flight to Texas and landed at 2 PM. She watched the ride from the sidelines, amazed by Lance’s pedaling. After the race she met Lyle and he invited her to sing karaoke with him. They had a great time, but d decided not to give up her day job as a lion tamer. Lyle found d dangerous and exciting–he knew that she would be perfect for Lance. Sure enough, they met and Lance was smitten! He was finally done running from commitment. The lion tamer and the cyclist settled down. Last I heard of d she was knitting booties for her twins, Aquamarine and Adventurine.

For Latte Lady: (You are Latte Lady, not Lady Latte or Laddy Latte 🙂 Talk about a Superheroine identity crisis.)

People: Marky Mark (or the infamous Mark Wahlberg) and Latte Lady (how vain) 🙂
Verbs: dancing and fighting
Adjectives: fabulous and feisty
Places: Athens and Ellwood Beach Dr.
Favourite Things: a BMW Convertible and sunglasses
Colors: Purple and Leather Black
Food or Drink: Sex on the Beach and a whiskey sour
Time of Day: 9 pm
Hobby: Collecting rare animals
Job: Secret Service

Latte Lady was out dancing the night away at a fabulous Athens club called Leather Black. She could hardly remember Ellwood Beach Dr. or her purple coffee table. She’d left everything behind and driven off in her BMW Convertible with sunglasses shading her feisty demeanor. Two Whiskey Sours later and she was practically beating Mark Wahlberg off with a stick—Latte Lady always did like collecting rare animals… (He’d had one too many Sex on the Beaches since 9 PM.) She managed to wrangle in Marky Mark like the Secret Service lures bad guys—with expert precision and stealthy maneuvers.

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