Flirting, A How to Guide

I realize that I haven’t done a Girl Friday How To in quite some time. I’ve been mulling this topic over for a while…

So, you’re not quite sure yet what it means to flirt or what it feels like for someone to flirt with you? Well, Helen Rowland said, “Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.” I think this applies to men and women, gay or straight. The extra attention you give to someone special makes you blush and the compliments you try to brush off make your stomach flip-flop? Yeah, that’s flirting.

We’ve all been there. We’ve all done that. Saw a cutie and didn’t know what to do next. Maybe you two started talking and you got tongue-tied. Maybe you’ve been chatting for a while with your crush and it’s like pulling teeth. Don’t you wish we were all on the same page? Could I drop any more clichés? Probably. Let’s find out! Here are some Dos and Don’ts that I came up with. If you think I left any out, I’d love to hear what you have to say!

Do

1. Accept compliments and pay them back. It’s not about being too cocky or overly modest—it’s about acknowledging how you’re seen through someone else’s eyes.
2. Get personal. Move past the superficial topics like the weather as soon as possible. If you share hobbies,  flirting will become secondary to your genuine interest.
3. Say suggestive things. Get the imagination working. Ever notice how rephrasing a statement into a question sounds flirty? Well, did you?
4. Extend invitations to future conversations. Leave yourself an opportunity to pursue your interest further. Be available. For example, “I take the same train every day. I guess I’ll see you around.”
5. Have confidence and have fun. If you and your crush aren’t laughing—loosen up! I promise no one ever died from flirting.

Don’t

1. Reject compliments and don’t be too self-deprecating. This makes it harder for any interested party to get to know you and is ultimately very discouraging.
2. Avoid getting engaged in real conversations with jokes or one-word answers. Ask open-ended questions and respond to your crush in a similar manner.
3. Throw out mood killers like your ailments, baggage, and never, ever talk about previous relationships while in the flirting stages. Don’t fawn over an ex or describe how embittered you became after the break-up. It’s not healthy to dwell, and it sends the wrong signal to someone that you like or likes you.
4. Say you have to go to bed, leave, go to work, etc., without saying, “I hate to do this, but I have to go! I loved talking with you. I hope to again tomorrow!”
5. Set up roadblocks. Trust that you are a lovely person. If you are open to the possibility of meeting someone new, you must let go and let the chips fall where they may.

Now go forth and be your charming self!