How do you measure success? Can you judge it by the money in your bank account, the car you drive, or the number of friends on your speed dial? I hope not, because I guess that would make me a big failure. At times we compare ourselves to others; it’s human nature, but it’s certainly not healthy or very productive. Lately, I’ve been judging myself on the number of hits I get on this little ol’ diary. I get a rush every day at 6 o’clock when I see the number go up.
I had my best stats in June, with 191 unique visitors. I dipped in July to 115, and that nearly crushed my ego, but it made me get up and do something about it. I decided that with the anniversary just around the corner, I should recommit myself to the writing. It’s easy to say I don’t have time, but it’s not true. It’s about finding balance in all things and knowing your priorities. I made it my week’s goal to post something every day, and so far I’m sticking to it. I think that we have to rejoice in our triumphs, even if they’re small. Every great work of literature was written one word at time, and while I know this blog isn’t a “classic,” at least I’m practicing.
This post is about to take a turn for the emo…
I’m trying really hard here to not beat myself up. You see, there’s a “reunion” this weekend, and at this point I’m not participating. I speak to the people who are important to me, so I don’t really see the point of reconnecting with a bunch of people who’ll say, “Let’s keep in touch,” but won’t really mean it. I’m not hurt about that, because I’m just as guilty of it. The other (insecure) side of me doesn’t want to go because I can’t resist the pitfall of comparing myself to others. I know if I go to this “reunion” I’ll feel wretched about who I am and where I’m at. Logically, I know this is ludicrous.
Pride, greed, and envy make a great cocktail. I knock them back every time. Bottoms up.