You’ll Notice Something Funny if You Hang Around Here for Too Long

As you all may recall, I think Pam Beesly from The Office is rad. She could totally be a Gal Pal. She’s already a Superheroine. But I think Jenna Fischer, the actress that plays her, might be a great addition, too. For Esquire magazine she wrote 10 Things You Don’t Know About Women. The list is irreverent and she shatters her image as a sweater-set-wearing-secretary. Jenna got some of her Office cohorts together and made a video. I won’t take the credit for finding this gem, that distinction goes to Give Me My Remote. I suggest reading and watching the video, as the sound quality isn’t that great in certain parts.

Let’s get down and dirty in this post—blame it on Jenna. Here are a few of the newest search results that delivered some of my 360 unique visitors (probably not a lot by other more popular blogs’ standards, but my all-time record) along with my witty repartee:

  • what is a dominatrix?

While I can only surmise that this visitor was hoping for the sexy definition, I can tell you its secondary meaning in the dictionary is, “a woman who dominates.” I guess that’s me: Girl Friday, dominatrix extraordinaire.

  • girl friday wanted

Yes, who wouldn’t want their very own girl Friday? Might I suggest Craig’s List. Although, what’s the pay? Send me a job description and I’ll consider applying. Here’s my cover letter and résumé.

  • dominatrix superheroines

I think all of my Gal Pals are dominant characters, so why not? Sure, we can be dominatrix superheroines. I don’t have a cool costume like Summer on The OC, but whatevs. Next time I’m in town I’ll hit up Suzy’s with Notorious M.A.G. or English Diva. Didn’t we buy one of you girls you a riding crop?

  • compliments to boys

Boys have enormous egos for the most part. A woman can compliment a boy best by agreeing to be seen with him, spend time with him, etc. It’s the boy’s job to compliment the girl. It’s like a law or something.

  • office sex stories

You won’t find too many of those here. But I suppose you’re free to share with me! I promise I won’t tell. 😉

  • how to make a boatneck shirt

I’m not a sewing maven, but I have bought some cool sewing books for Lucky 10-Key and I’m pretty sure The Pink Fairy could whip something up if you placed an order! Lekkner is also a snazzy option—she’ll make you a boatneck shirt out of something fabulous you already own.

  • techniques for feigning illness

This is tricky. Every person must ask him or herself how good their acting skills truly are. If you suck at faking it, do not attempt feigning illness in the presence of your supervisor. Allergies are lame and stomach ailments are always too much information. Stick to pink eye because it’s very contagious and your boss will likely not get too close for fear of contracting it.

  • synonyms for extraordinary that start with x

I consulted my trusty Synonym Finder and discovered that X has very few entries. No word listed is a true synonym for extraordinary, I am sorry to report. X, the letter alone, refers to the unknown or a conundrum, which I suppose is extraordinary. Xanthippe is synonym for beldam and witch, and they are both exist outside of the ordinary. Xenophobic is almost an antonym; xenophobes fear the extraordinary. I hope that helps!

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3 Responses to You’ll Notice Something Funny if You Hang Around Here for Too Long

  1. neridra says:

    Jenna is brilliantly funny.

    You know I went to high school with someone who became a dominatrix. We were actually pretty close sophomore year, but as you would imagine, we now have VERY little in common…

    Happy Sunday.

  2. Notorious M.A.G. says:

    I think I was the one who ended up with a riding crop. I don’t even know what happened to it!

  3. Weltsie says:

    Okay, I simply cannot resist pointing out the irony of my name and your reference to the Gal Pals as dominatrices! I have a friend named Burnsie, so we thought we should open a personal injury law firm together, but now I’m thinking we might have a better success in a more… alternative market. Whatdayathink?

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