I Call Do-Overs

So, I am not terribly original and for the past week I’ve been trying to come up with a way to spin my organizational how to into something interesting. Since that isn’t happening I’ve decided to steal an idea from a far wittier gal. Sarakastic wrote a letter to her eighteen year old self with bits of advice and I found it HI-larious. I decided to do the same. My letter is to my post-college graduate self. Enjoy!

Dear Girl Friday,

I know moving home and living rent free sounds like a good idea, but remember how hot the valley gets in August—now add in a house in the midst of a remodel, a brother who has dropped out of college, a cousin who needs a place to crash for a few months, and two nagging parents. Get a job and your own apartment. Go straight to the temp agency. You might as well get a jump start on being an embittered assistant. Holding out for a good job doesn’t really pay off. You may be broke and a little miserable, but I promise it will be better than becoming your parents’ appointed foreman, whipping girl, and a nanny to two teenagers who will forget your name in nine months.

Save yourself the year of trying to decide what you want to be. You’ve always known. Just say it. Saying it out loud still doesn’t mean anyone will listen, but I know how big that step will be for you. Stop downloading episodes of Smallville—it is really awful in season 4 and you will abandon watching it anyway. Use the time to write instead. Skip that whole first story idea you come up with. Even after 250 pages it’s still not interesting. No amount of editing will change that.

Move somewhere. Pick a place on the map and go. It will be your one chance to really be on your own. You can decorate your place with girlie stuff and eat cereal for dinner. No one will tell your mother that you can’t cook.

For Notorious M.A.G.’s wedding order one dress size up. The dresses are defective and you will spend 5 months living on unsalted saltines, non-fat lattes, and poached eggs simply to spare yourself the $60 alteration fee on a $100 dress. You’ll look great, but even after starving for 5 months the dress will still be too tight. At the wedding drink water. It turns out you don’t like whiskey.

When a sundry group of friends invite you out for your 23rd birthday, remember you don’t like whiskey. You will only get hit on by boys you rejected in high school. Oh, and a girl will dance with you too, but you won’t mind that so much because she has manners at least. Your cousin will see this and think you’re a lesbian. It’s really funny to see her squirm. But your boyfriend will laugh when you tell him.

You’re going to have so much fun in New York City. Skip dinner at Vela—Bruce Willis and fancy California rolls aren’t worth the back ache. Skip Tavern on the Green as well. It’s over-priced and you will leave hungry and cold. Don’t let Lucky 10-Key eat the cannoli or drink the gimlet. Hang out longer on Staten Island. This will be your most reasonably priced meal and entertainment. When you buy that really cool Lulu Guinness purse don’t forget to have them remove the security censor. Make Lucky’s sister buy her fake designer bag on your first trip to Chinatown. You don’t want to make that second trip in the sweltering heat.

As bad as everything seems, as broke as you might be, you’re going to learn a lot and have some really great stories to share.


Future Girl Friday

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2 Responses to I Call Do-Overs

  1. Sarakastic says:

    Ahh brillant advice, both to your former self & whoever else reads this. I really wish I had known all that when I graduated from college. That is why you have to be a writer, you just gotta.

  2. neridra says:

    This is so damn funny! I LOVE it. 🙂

    My fav parts:

    Just say it. Saying it out loud still doesn’t mean anyone will listen.

    Stop downloading episodes of Smallville—it is really awful in season 4 and you will abandon watching it anyway.

    It turns out you don’t like whiskey.


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