522 My Street
My Town, CA 90210
An administrative position that requires as little thought as possible so I can come up with quick quips and witty diary entries.
Highly competent, yet overlooked, office professional with experience in management, public relations, event planning, and sales, but often forced to cat sit or word process religious propaganda. Excellent computer skills, especially in surfing the web during business hours, and inputting information into disorganized databases. Increased responsibility demonstrates precision of stapling and collating skills and clarity of speech when greeting clients over the phone and in person.
Selected Skills & Accomplishments
Assisted Oprah’s bff’s personal assistant in cataloging a personal library.
Dressed up as a cowgirl while putting together the swag bags for a fundraiser.
Sold plastic welding accessories for a catalog company housed in a former brothel.
Temp for Soul Sucking Personnel Services: 2004-Present
Gofer for Real Estate Mogul Mom: 2003-2004
Retail Wench for Mid-Life Retail Store: 2002-2003
Abused Student Clerk for University: 2001
Food Slinger for Cheap Eats: 2000-2001
Bachelor’s Degree that is apparently useless, but could probably sell for top dollar on Ebay since it’s signed by the Terminator.
Recording Secretary (surprise, surprise!) for Housing Board Committee.
References available but rarely requested.