I am a University graduate with administrative experience serving educational, non-profit, financial, real estate and customer service fields. I have a combination of skills that make me the best choice for insert title here. As one of the leading employers for the county, insert company name here must hire staff that can follow simple or no instructions, reach deadlines while the boss peers over your shoulder, and interact with special needs clients and borderline psychotic managers. I am known for managing several projects while wearing heels, providing results in a timely fashion with a grin on my face, and keeping a positive attitude throughout the day even when the morale is desperately low.
I have worked in administrative positions because we’re in the middle of a recession but no one will just come out and say so. I know how to operate computers, especially the Internet. I have worked with at least ten different models of copiers and understand the importance of the collating function button. My winning personality makes me an asset to any team. My interpersonal skills are unbeatable, which explains why every boss thinks I’m a gem and I have to beat off offers of permanent positions with a stick.
I am the most awesome candidate for this position because I am punctual, dedicated, and totally kick-ass. You’d be lucky to land a gal like me.
Thank you for reading this acrobatic display of egoism. I look forward to discussing this position further at your earliest convenience. Merry Chrismukkuh!