The Bitchiest of Them All

I realize that one of my greatest qualities is also my biggest flaw.  I asked the mirror, “Who is the fairest of them all?” and the mirror told me I asked the wrong question.

My thoughts are brutally honest, which is nice if you want to hear it like I see it, but I’m a total pain in the ass if you like pretty lies.  My laugh is a cackle, sometimes its more malevolence and less mirth.  I’m shocked by my own commentary on matters of taste and of the heart.  I am, after all, the foremost authority on how to live life!  I stop myself mid-sentence to ponder how far over the line I’ve crossed.  From where I stand it seems so far away, but I’m too foolish or unkind to recant my last glib line or pointed remark.

Sometimes I think I’m funny, and the laughs really are the worst kind of encouragement!  I’d like to feign innocence and say that I’ve only just realized my bad habits, but I knew my penchant for mocking and wisecracking from an early age.

On my senior trip to Disneyland I bought a pair of pajamas inscribed with one simple word—Wicked—and at the hem of the shorts was a patch with the Queen from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.  They are my favorite pajamas.  They are near and dear to my bitchy heart.

Currently playing:  Madonna, Bedtime Story

(A serious shout-out to The Pink Fairy who just discovered that my darling Björk is responsible for my favorite Madonna ditty…)

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One Response to The Bitchiest of Them All

  1. The Pink Fairy says:

    ooh, plus, i have a black beater style tank that says wicked across the front in big fancy letters.

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