A Test of Your Intelligence and Zest for the Counter-productive

When I should be sleeping I’m up drinking a Diet Coke and making lists of things and thoughts:

1. I was raised in a household that believed there was nothing tackier than not sending thank-you notes. (My mother and aunt are still waiting for cousin Julie to send a thank-you from her wedding that took place four years ago this August. Julie now has a one year-old little girl, so I think the chances of her catching up on thank-yous is slim to nil.) There are all sorts of rules and protocol to being the perfect hostess and polite guest. Always serve guests first—we didn’t subscribe to the common ritual of serving the first slice of cake to the birthday person. Never allow guests to “help themselves.” A meal is not dinner unless the table is set properly and everyone has a cocktail napkin. As a guest in someone’s home my mother taught me to offer assistance with preparation and clean-up. I say please and thank you, and graciously accept anything that is offered, whether I like it or not—from pickled okra to instant coffee. I send thank-you cards for every gift I get, and have been known to send a thank-you note to a certain family friend who doesn’t give gifts, but attends our annual Christmas party. I don’t want her to see that I’ve sent cards to all the other families simply because they gave me something material, so I send her a thank-you for attending and being a lovely guest. I owe a couple of you a thank-you…
Despite my apparent manners, I have too much spunk for my own good. I spent Saturday evening at the BF’s house and teased his seventeen year-old brother relentlessly. I could barely contain my incessant eye rolling whenever his parents said something stupid. It took a lot of effort, I tell you.

2. I’ve been thinking about cars a lot lately. Mostly because mine is falling apart and I either need to buy a new car or buy new tires, like…yesterday. I admit I’m easily influenced by pop culture—and no, not with commercials, but by my favorite TV characters.
For example, I think the new Toyota FJ Cruiser is cool. I love the vintage Landcruiser that Sydney drove in season 1 of Alias, and since I don’t want to spend a fortune at the mechanic’s I’ll settle for something newer. I’m also considering the new Jeep Compass because Jeep is a name you can trust. In fact, Lorelai Gilmore is one of the best endorsements I’ve seen. If that’s not enough to convince me then maybe The Dresden Dolls’ “Jeep Song” is. Notorious M.A.G. is on the hunt for a black Lebaron (pronounced Lé Barón) because she wants to be just like Veronica Mars when she grows up! I’m even considering a convertible VW Beetle because Mac is my hero, Chloë has one, too (and Brooke can ride these two girls’ coat tails of coolness, I suppose). I saw some stupid ass trying to parallel park his big white Hummer yesterday and laughed like a mad woman, but of course I love Starbuck’s old beat up Humvee (and I’m sure she can parallel park that sucker on the first try). Another car on my radar is the VW Jetta. It got the number one safety rating and it served as an excellent get-away car on Roswell. Okay, that’s enough talk about cars and TV characters for now…

3. I went to see Pirate of the Caribbean 2 tonight. It was long and lacked Keira Knightly looking wistfully off into the distance. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing. There were lots of ganky men covered in barnacles instead. There was only one scene with Orlando Bloom shirtless. I’m not sure if the two-second flash was worth $8.75.

4. I obviously don’t want to go to work tomorrow. Can you tell? It’s 1:30 AM. Do you know where your Administrative Goddess is?