For 8 hours a day I am confined to my office with the following kooky coworkers:
Doris: As my supervisor she is in charge of delegating most of her work to me. She has been kind enough to order me things like a nameplate, nametag, company shirt, business cards, an ergonomically correct chair, and new-fangled computer accessories. I can’t complain too much about her, after all, she is a fellow IMDBer. I never let on that I know what she’s up to, and hopefully she’ll do the same for me.
Jody: Director and mid-life mom. She’s a busy woman and has yet to find out that I’m equal parts troublemaker and angel.
Theo: Assistant Director and all around kind man. He is meticulous and generous. He posts sage advice on our intra-office website and buys me fatty foods. What’s not to love?
Shirley: Assistant Director and baker extraordinaire. This woman has aspirations of baking perfect pastries and bounteous bread. Let’s just hope she brings in lots of samples!
Dave: Coworker and rocker-hopeful. We spend inordinate amounts of time together and I try very hard sometimes to pretend I can’t see him. It’s nothing personal. Sometimes I just need Girl Friday time, and I can’t help it if I crave it most when I’m on the job.
And in the adjoining offices…
Lauren: Coworker and fellow scarf junky. She likes the office set at a toasty 72 degrees. I just wish I had more of a reason to hang out in there.
Jake: Coworker with a pension for phrases like Couples Yoga and Raw Foods. He hearts Prince just a little too much, and someday soon I suspect he will show up in a Raspberry Beret.
Nancy: Coworker and soon-to-be medical student. Too smart for stapling, that’s for sure. I’ll miss her when she’s gone!
Sara: Coworker and probable “lifer.” She’s a great girl to work with—dedicated and knowledgeable—but I don’t get a sense that she has dreams. How does she get up in the morning? I vow to find out more. I have to believe there is something beneath the surface.
Nancy K: When she’s not busy caring for the next generation, she’s breaking bones while doing triple-triple combinations on the ice. A great lunch date and a treat to talk to during a rough day.
Suzie Q: Long lost Mouseketeer? I think so! She’s all about the real OC, laughing at my jokes, and offering enough respite for me to make it through the week.
Julia J: Has one of the most awkward love stories to tell! She was a wedding crasher (sort of) and had two brothers fighting over her, their sister hating her before the first date took place, and the groom’s brother running a distant third. If I hadn’t forced her to open up, I would have continued hating her and her scrawny arms.
I’m still bitter about having to print my own business cards. There’s something about them without raised text that is just wrong. And no, I’m not all American Psycho about business cards.
And, I’ll be printing this out to refer to whenever I get confused as to who you’re working with. This will be very useful, as I only had 3 of the above people figured out.